Bad Writing Masterclass: Docile

A few days ago I put out a call for bad books on Twitter, intending to either do a review or the next entry in my long-running and wildly popular Books I Didn’t Finish series. And I still intend to do that with other nominees, but someone tipped me off to a book so riddled with problems that I realized my review was going to turn into a paragraph-by-paragraph dissection.

The last time this happened was with a certain fantasy novel starring a red-haired lute-playing protagonist, and that resulted in me going through the entire thing and commenting on every single page. With my current health problems I don’t have the energy to commit to a long serialized post format—as evidenced by the multiple aborted attempts I’ve made over the last three years—but the book in question contains enough material just in its opening chapters to critique.

The intent behind this isn’t to simply point and laugh; it’s called Bad Writing Masterclass because my hope is that by dissecting the problems with this book, your own writing might improve. Even if you don’t write, maybe this can help you become a more critical reader and stop giving five-star ratings to total gar—I mean, improve your reading experience. Yes.

With that preamble out of the way, let’s begin today’s Bad Writing Masterclass on Docile by K.M. Szpara.

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Viral Content (14/03/2020)

I want you all to know that I’m extremely proud of that title.

You probably don’t need me to explain the impetus behind this post (in the unlikely case that you do, I’m afraid I have some bad news). Some percentage of my small readership is probably hunkering down in self-isolation and more are likely to do so in the next few weeks as the COVID-19 pandemic grows in severity. In these troubled times, I figured people could use some high quality blog content to entertain and inform. This is going to be a random collection of opinion, observation and commentary with a firmly non-alarmist mindset.

A quick disclaimer before we begin: I am not a medical expert or a scientist. I do have a biotechnology degree that included fairly in-depth modules on virology (they’re useful for a lot of things in the biotech field), and I did a project on the 2009 swine flu pandemic that involved studying historical viral outbreaks. I think it’s fair to say I know more about the topic than your average rando.

…But I also barely squeaked through that degree with a pass, and I don’t work actively in any scientific field. So, again: not an expert.

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Books I Didn't Finish: The Stephen King Detective Two-For-One Experience

I was recently in the hospital for a week, heavily doped up on pain medication (it wasn’t anything serious) and I needed a breezy, light book to pass the time. And lo and behold, the Kindle daily deal happened to feature a selection from my spooky frenemy, Stephen King!

That book was Mr. Mercedes, the first entry in what would become a trilogy revolving around a detective named Bill Hodges. The books are kind of notable in King’s ouvre for moving all the way out of horror and into the mystery/thriller genre, a space that many of his previous novels strayed pretty far into without entirely making the leap away from horror or the supernatural. Today we’re looking at Mr. Mercedes as well as its sequel, Finders Keepers.

The fact that I didn’t bother to read the third one is a spoiler.

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Polar Bear Shuffle

Just a quick note to say that due to health reasons, the final three posts in my award winning and critically acclaimed His Dark Materials TV reviews will be combined into one following the end of the season on the 23rd; that post will also serve as my overall review of the season as a whole.

Following that, I’ll likely be taking a month off from blogging of all kinds to recharge the batteries. See y’all next year!

Introducing Polar Bear Month

Now that my self-indulgent October series is finished, it’s time…for another self-indulgent blog series!

A certain TV show I’ve been anticipating for a long time is beginning on the 4th of November. Starting a few days later (I’m away from internet access on the day of the premiere), I’ll be reviewing every episode in far more depth than any sensible person could ever possibly want or enjoy. Since there’ll be eight episodes, that should take us right up to the end of the year (with polar bear month, you get two months for the price of one).

But wait, there’s more! I’m also going to be posting reviews of La Belle Sauvage and The Secret Commonwealth, the two currently-available volumes of The Book of Dust.

But wait, there’s even more!

Actually no, that’s all I have planned for November and December. Anything else you get is going to be off the cuff.